Hi. It is quite some time that I didn't post anything. New job is tiring. Being a mom, a wife, menantu & anak pun memenatkan. I have to juggle between everything.

I ended my probation on Nov 2023. I dont think it supposed to be that tiring tp maybe sbb country India, so mcm gg sikit sbb workload banyak. Alhamdulillah dapat suami yang memahami & sentiasa support. Tak berkira jaga anak. Terima kasih ya Allah.

I kadang terlampau penat sbb nak kena wake up early to prepare bekal for my husb & me. Kena hantar nasuha pergi school. then smpai office, kerja and melekat je dpn pc cuz gurl 1 min you sngt berharga yaa. Balik je rushing ambil cua sbb kena ambil before 6.30. Tak masuk lg dkt rumah nak kena sambung keje & uruskan rumah pulak. Sometimes i just need a stop button for me to rest from everything. I punya tahap penat tu sampai i doa utk masuk hospital so that i can rest properly tp i kesian my husb will be struggle to handle everything. But I know he can do it 

Family i pulak jenis tak faham i punya masa. Dah penat2 tu bila weekend or ada masa, of course i nk spend time dgn my husb and nasuha. Or nak rehat je dkt rumah tp family i just dont get it. Kecik hati bila dorg ckp i abaikan keluarga, abaikan masa family. Pdhl kita punya struggle, dorang tak tahu pun. Of course the pay out = workload tp i need my time too. Dulu ye la gaji kecik, keje senang tp bnyk masa. Now ada money, tp workload and time pulak hm. Entahlah.

Talk about money. I was about to start my saving pun something coming up. I tried so hard to berjimat sikit2 but at the end, things happened. I want to naikkan my saving again. I could've save 1k monthly but due to pindah rumah, beli rumah etc, x nampak savingnya dkt mana.

I love what i am doing now and i wanted to learn more. But to stay for a long time, of course tak. I want to secure another stable job. Yang pasti glc. Ive always wanted to work in kwsp tp rezeki belum sampai lagi. Oh btw, doakan kami dapat rumah selangorku dkt kwasa ya!

Now 11.10pm and baru nk lipat baju and packing baju utk pergi melaka esok. Hope things goes well in shaa Allah.

To my husband, thank you for always being there, thank you for always be so supportive in everything i do. Thank you jaga anak masa i kerja. I mntk maaf kalau i tak dapat luangkan masa, masak sedap2 like what i used to do. Honestly, walaupun dah lama kerja , i masih struggle utk bahagikan masa. I nak tolong you semampu i. I nk ambil and luangkan  masa dgn you sehabis boleh. Cuma kadang i betul betul tak larat and i cried few times sebab i  tak dapat bagi yang terbaik.

Untuk anak ibu, ibu minta maaf kalau ibu kurang masa dengan awak. Ibu cuba sehabis baik siapkan kerja cepat supaya  ibu boleh luangkan masa dengan awak. Mungkin sebab tu awak tak boleh cakap ibu sebab ibu kurang main dengan awak. Ibu minta maaf ye sayang. Ibu masih struggle. Ibu nak tolong abah, kami nak awak hidup senang. Bagi ibu masa untuk belajar menjadi ibu yang terbaik, isteri yang baik  & dalam masa yang sama ada kerja yang baik. 

Ibu sayang Aisyaa Nasuha dunia akhirat

I sayang you Muhammad Amar Syakir sampai syurga

Hi Assalamualaikum.

It has been soooo long that i did not update anything here.

I would say my life quite overwhelming? I mean things are getting tougher i guess? Nasuha kerap menangis lately. Duit i pun selalu tk cukup. lagi lagi nak transitioning from KY to DHL. Gaji bulan 7 dia akan tahan lg. aih. 

Last 2 weeks and last week adalah bad week saya ya.. saya annoyed dgn mus yg menyusahkan i nak resign. sat cakap kena bubuh bnyk tarikh. then tetibe nk simple pulak. astu tetibe suruh bayar pulak. aku ni xnk bayar tau? then syakirah cm merajuk but sebaik dah settle part tu and i'm soo happy for her sbb dia dah dpt interview from other company and dah ada boyfriend hehehe and im glad its Inti? sbb knowing him, he's good person and i believe she can take care of my girl.

Nasuha lately ni kerap sangat nangis. Every morning nk g rumah pengasuh je mesti nangis. Dulu smpai rumah ibu ieta baru nangis. ni masuk kereta terus nangis. I serabut ek sbb i xtahu nk tolong dia mcm mana. ibu kerja nak. ibu bukan g jalan jalan pun. then dkt rumah kalau hilang dr pandangan sikit, nangis mcm kena pukul. Tak masuk lg i masak, dia tknk makan. I tried to be the best mum, yg masak hari2 utk anak dia, cuba sehabis baik tk guna instant tp bila dia xnk makan, i rasa cm ibu tk guna ek? rasa cm i dont even know what my kid want and dont want? buat i rasa i  tk tahu selera anak? Husbaby i mmg suruh sabar etc tp aaa dia x masak. dia x faham. i faham jugak dia sakit gusi sbb nk tumbuh gigi tp alahai. blend halus xnk, buah xnk. entah la. kadang tgk dia tidur, rasa bersalah sngt sbb marah dia walaupun i punya marah bukan tengking. Like cm bodo la aku marah anak aku yg x tahu pape tu. Aku diam xnk layan dia tp ingt dia tahu kee? hahahah 

Last week, i rasa bnyk kali kot i gaduh dengan husbaby. I personally tknk fmly i ckp apa apa laaa psl dia sbb dia dh lama x balik. tp i fhm jugak ek dia kerja. tp i nak dia fikir solution. dengan ibu nak ktorg balik lama, and dia kerja. and nasib baik at the end dia fikir jugak utk drive g site. tp ahad tu i geram sbb i kelam kabut dkt dapur, aisy nk belajar math, ibu tnya psl bahasa arab, then kena tgk anak lg. bila g hall, tgk husbaby tgh main phone. rasa geram sngt like tolong laaaaaaaa. tapi maybe i yg penat, then cari salah dia kot. sbb i nak dia penat sama sama. tp dia tolong je ek siapkan nasuha pagi2. and dia tolong je kalau i mntk tolong. cuma entah la. i terlalu penat utk mntk tolong?

Honestly kadang i rasa i nak disappear. I nak dia hidup berdua dengan anak, tanpa i. kadang i rasa i cm beban sbb selalu suka gaduh. Tapi husband i baik je ek. Dia tak pemalas, tk pemarah, tak kedekut. I rasa i punya mental and body maybe terlalu penat. i need a rest. i need a mc from being a wife and a mom? Bukan i x bersyukur, i bersyukur dengan kehadiran dua permata dalam hidup i. Cuma i rasa i perlukan rehat and yknow, to gather all my energy back. I dah tak boleh tahan dengar nasuha menangis, body i tk boleh tahan dengan penat kelam kabut every single day. Dia punya tahap penat tu sampai i rasa husband i tk sayang i dah. dia cm lahhh tiber kan hahhaha i cm kadang nak dia beli i something without asking what i want? cm contoh bday i, beli je la pape ek. I x kisah pun. jangan tanya i nak apa sbb i x tahu. huhu tp dia buat suprise beli kek 2 kali. ha faham tak. confused betul rasa tu hahahhaha tp semalam dapat sandle. so cm suka and tk geram dah? mybe balik ni geram balik hahaha

Tapi entah la. I hope rasa penat ni cepat hilang sbb i tahu, my body CANNOT be tired and sick since the day i dah ready utk ada anak. I rasa i teruk as a mom and wife bila i type all of this tp ini my private space and luahan i as for now. I mintak maaf kalau i tak pernah jadi yg terbaik. But just to you know, i love my two love of my life as long as live. Infinite love to both of them but yah, its just me and my tiredness. Anyway, hoping for a better week ahead.